I’m a Dating Coach and These Are 5 Reasons Why You’re Not Finding Love

Jessica Smith
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Let’s face it – you are beyond ready for love!

You’ve waited long enough and are so freaking tired of wondering who your soulmate is, where they are and when you’ll find them. It can be exhausting! After all, you’re a great catch and deserve to find your person.

Dating can be ridiculously frustrating when our hopes are high and our hearts are open, yet we aren’t finding the love we’re dreaming of. After we fired up the dating apps, declared to the world we’re ready to find “the one,” consulted our closest friends for advice, still . . . nothing.

Between trying to date during a pandemic and being utterly disappointed by the quality of people we’re finding, morale can drop and have us wondering if we are doomed to be alone forever.

Before you throw in the towel and give up on love entirely, read on to learn why you’re not finding love.
 
 

Here Are 5 Reasons Why You’re Not Finding Love, According to a Dating Coach

Having this insight could save you from heartache and loneliness and help you rejuvenate your love life so you can find the soul mate of your dreams.
 

1. It’s Not Them, It’s You

It’s easy to see other people’s issues, problems, and weaknesses. But when it comes to recognizing our own shit . . . . not so much.

Listen, we all have shit. You have shit, I have shit . . . we all have shit. Instead of pointing the finger at everyone else when relationships don’t work out, people treat you poorly, or your love life isn’t going to plan, I invite you to look deep within yourself.

Often the problem is you with your childhood trauma, lack of boundaries, and unresolved issues that all play an integral part in your love life whether you know it or not. The great news is that the problem is you AND you have the opportunity to fix it!

But when it comes to recognizing our own shit . . . . not so much.

Here’s how: Without shame or judgment, simply dive into introspection and take a good hard look at yourself, just like a yogi would observe themselves by implementing the niyama Svadhyaya, or self-study.

A beautiful question to yourself, would you date you? Once you commit to exploring, uncovering and healing yourself, you’ll be delighted when your love life transforms and blossoms.
 

 
 

2. How Are You, Energetically?

What energy are you putting out? Are you shy, insecure, needy, aggressive, harsh, cold or closed down? Often our unconscious and fears come out in our energy and body language. Think about the last date you were on and how you felt. How do you think you came across?

Most of our communication is non-verbal, which means we are talking with our bodies and energy. In this sense, most of us are unaware of what we are saying.

Before you head out on your next date, be sure you give yourself a pep talk to build confidence and ease your nerves.

If it speaks to you, choose a mantra like: “I am cool, calm, and collected,” or “I am gorgeous and am going to have an amazing time tonight,” or “I am an amazing catch and will authentically show up on this date” to help yourself show up authentically and lovingly, and set intentions for the date to be connective and enjoyable.

Also, in my book 21 Days to Feeling Gorgeous, I recommend doing mirror work before a date as a way to stand in your power, have rock solid confidence, and feel absolutely gorgeous! Mirror work is easy to do: simply look at your own reflection in the mirror and speak life into yourself.

Before you step out of your house, stand in front of a mirror, look into your own eyes, tell yourself how amazing you are and you’ll experience an instant boost of confidence and empowered, open energy. Bonus points for saying one of the above mantras to yourself in the mirror!

Doing a pre-date prep will allow you to show up with a calm, confident, and kind vibe that’s super attractive!
 

3. Love Isn’t Always on Time

You want love and you want it now! However, love doesn’t always come when you want it to . . . rather it comes in divine timing.

The key to your happiness and well-being is in releasing your expectations of when love comes into your life. When we can surrender to our love journey, trusting that love will come at the right time, the more content we will be in the meantime.

The key to your happiness and well-being is in releasing your expectations of when love comes into your life.

Trust that the Universe is working on your behalf as your spiritual matchmaker. As amazing as you are, it’s important to remember that you don’t see the full scope of the situation. But the Universe does! Which is why surrendering to our love journey is so important.

For example, perhaps you are ready for love but your soulmate is currently in a relationship, struggling with financial difficulties, or is living on the opposite end of the world – the Universe knows this and is working on bringing you two together so be patient!
 

 
 

4. Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

Are you going to the same places over and over again hoping Mr./Mrs. Right will magically appear – and each time you’re painfully disappointed? It’s common for people to go in search of love in places that are familiar, yet perhaps these places aren’t serving us.

If this sounds like you, then it’s time to switch up your game and revamp your dating strategy by envisioning your ideal partner’s interests and lifestyle.

Another common mistake is spending time in places where your potential partner wouldn’t spend time at. The key to success in locating your potential partner is by envisioning your ideal person and where they would spend their time. Then switch up your routine or weekend plans to take a chance on love!
 

5. Seeking Perfection

While it’s extremely important to have healthy standards, we often have our hearts and minds set on specific traits that keep us laser focused and unable to recognize other amazing characteristics, vibes, looks, behaviors, etc that we’d actually really enjoy and admire if we gave them a chance.

The key is to find someone who’s shit you can and want to deal with.

Being rigid can blind us from finding some unexpectedly incredible partners. If we allow ourselves to explore outside our usual box it could open up a whole new world of adventure and possibility of love.

Always remember there’s not a perfect human being on this planet and everyone you’ll meet has their own shit (see #1 😉 ). The key is to find someone who’s shit you can and want to deal with.
 
 

Take Conscious Action So You CAN Find Love!

Now that we’ve shed the light on the five reasons you’re not finding love, it’s time to take some action so you CAN find the love you’re dreaming of!

The only thing that could be standing between you and your soulmate is shifting a few things in order to transform your love life and find the happy, healthy, long-lasting relationship you’ve always wanted.

You deserve to find someone just as amazing as you are, so get it work and make some magic happen!

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Jessica Smith

Jessica Smith is an International Dating Coach, author and yoga instructor. The ‘Female Hitch’ is the host of the Game of Love Podcast heard in over 33 countries on all major platforms. Jessica also leads transformational yoga retreats around the world to help people step into their power and love themselves unconditionally.

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