Stuck in a Relationship Rut? It’s Time to Find a Deeper Level of Intimacy – Here’s How

Megan Johnson
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Let’s talk about intimacy and the art of being intimate.

According to Sternberg’s Love Theory, we need intimacy in our relationships to have both romantic love and compassionate love.

Romantic love is characterized by feelings of closeness, passion, and sexual attraction, along with a commitment to one another and your relationship.

Compassionate love is characterized by mutual respect, affection, and trust.

But what is intimacy and how can we become more intimate with our partners?
 
 

What Does It Really Mean to Be Intimate?

Intimacy is the state of having a close, personal, or romantic relationship with someone. It is about fostering feelings of closeness, trust, and respect. Intimacy means knowing someone and being known on a deeply personal level.

Intimacy is something we often confuse with the physical act of sex. Although sex is one way to be intimate with your partner, it is not the only way.

Sex is a huge part of any healthy intimate relationship. Here are 10 Yoga Poses That Increase Your Sex Drive

Intimacy goes beyond the physical part of a relationship and into the emotional realm to create a beautiful emotional space where two people become one.
 

Intimacy means baring your soul and showing the different layers of yourself to another person. It is about breaking down the walls you have surrounded yourself with and letting someone in.

 
The definition and importance of “intimacy” will vary for each person and for each relationship.

For some, intimacy might mean waking up to a good morning text. For others, it might mean having deep conversations. And still for others, intimacy might mean allowing yourself to show emotions and thoughts.

But, at the end of the day, intimacy means allowing yourself and your partner to feel a full sense of belonging.
 
 

Use These 6 Relationship Tips to Be More Intimate With Your Partner for a Healthy, Exciting Relationship:

There are many things that you can do to foster a sense of belonging and intimacy between you and your partner. So, here are six relationship tips to get you started to be more intimate with your partner.
 

1. Practice Acceptance

To be truly intimate with someone, you must accept one another for who you truly are. While compromises are part of a relationship, there is no need to change who you are to be with someone else.

If you feel unaccepted and unsupported in your relationship, it only means that you will not have a strong bond with your partner – emotionally or physically.
 

“The things that make me different are the things that make me!” – Winnie the Pooh

 
We each bring something different to the relationship table. When we start to think about our differences as “right” and “wrong,” we create a separation. It is important that we understand our differences and think about how they make our relationships stronger, not weaker.

Ask your partner what it is that they think makes you similar and different from one another. Talk about them and discuss how you complement one another, as well as how your differences keep your relationship balanced and grounded.
 

 
 

2. Appreciate Differences

Arguably the largest part of accepting your partner fully is to embrace and appreciate what makes them different from you.

Sometimes opposites attract, and sometimes they don’t. Whatever your situation is, explore the differences between you and your partner to help you to decide if you really want to be spending time with this person.

In the beginning of a relationship, when we are consumed by new relationship energy, we tend to ignore the differences or “let things slide.”
 

The differences between you and your partner are what make you unique.

 
But, when the new relationship energy is gone and you’re left to decide if this person is the right fit for you, are those differences exciting or a deal breaker?

Learning how to appreciate your partner’s differences can be difficult. But, the differences between you and your partner are what make you unique.

Change your perspective and focus on the positive things about your differences and how you and your partner complement one another.

If you know what is unique and special about your partner, it will help you to know what is unique and special about your relationship. And this will create a greater bond between you.

3. Find Safety in Vulnerability

The emotions and behaviors we bring into a relationship began and exist outside of that relationship. Each person in a relationship brings with them past experiences that have shaped their personalities and behaviors in relationships.

As individuals, our pasts and behaviors are obvious to us. But, in a relationship, none of this is known unless you talk to your partner about it.

That is why it is so important that we are vulnerable with our partners. To be intimate with someone means that you can express yourself and share with them freely.
 

“Intimacy means we’re safe enough to reveal the truth about ourselves in all its creative chaos. If a space is created in which two people are totally free to reveal their walls, then those walls, in time, will come down.” – Marianne Williamson

 
You can be vulnerable with this person and know that they will not ridicule you or be uncompassionate in whatever life throws into your relationship. Relationships are complicated and it is easy to develop feelings of misunderstanding, disappointment, and anger when things don’t go exactly as we expect.

But, when we can be vulnerable with others, we can show them who we truly are.
When you are vulnerable, it also invites your partner to be vulnerable. And this allows a flow and free exchange between you.

We aren’t meant to be cocooned. We are meant to let ourselves feel and be open with others. It’s okay to be vulnerable.

Need help with vulnerability? Check out: Why It’s Okay to Be Vulnerable on Your Yoga Mat
 

4. Define Your Relationship

Are you an exclusive couple? Or, are you casually dating? Are you in an open relationship? Maybe you both agree to not put any label on things.

Our society has a fear of labels. We assume that it is up to our partner to decide and we “go with the flow” because we don’t want to be “that annoying partner who is trying to tie them down.”

But here’s the thing: If you can’t have an open serious conversation about what your relationship means to each of you, what can you have an open serious conversation about?
 

Where there is a communication barrier, there is an intimacy barrier.

 
If you can’t communicate about where you stand with someone, it is likely that you will be unable to communicate about any of your thoughts and feelings. This will create a barrier between you and your partner.

And where there is a communication barrier, there is an intimacy barrier.

Defining your relationship isn’t about “settling” or “putting a label” on things. It is about being able to share and communicate with your partner, and set mutual boundaries and expectations for your relationship.

Whatever your relationship status, own it. Intimacy happens when both of you know and agree to the workings of your relationship because you respect and trust each other. This allows both of you to move forward in the relationship together.
 

5. Give That Which You Seek

Intimacy means that we give back what we expect.

Yes, you want your partner to be compassionate, honest, and vulnerable with you. But are you doing the same for them? It is much easier for us to ask for these things than to actually do them ourselves.

Take note of whether you are practicing what you preach. If not, you might be widening the divide between you.

You don’t need to be perfect at it, but be open to the feedback your partner is giving you and make an effort to do better.
 

 
 

6. Be Mindful

As previously mentioned, it is important to be emotionally vulnerable with our partners. But it is also important that we react to that vulnerability appropriately. Emotions are not good or bad. But, the way we handle them is.

To be intimate with someone means that you can be there for and help one another through any emotions that you experience – happiness, conflict, anger, sadness.

It means that you are rational, not reactional. It means that you provide support rather than add to the chaos.

Want to date more mindfully? Follow these 6 Mindful Dating Tips That Will Transform Your Love Life
 
 

Use These Relationship Tips to Be More Intimate With Your Partner For a Healthy, Thriving Relationship

In the initial stages of your relationship, when things are hot and heavy and you have a case of “new relationship energy,” intimacy seems to happen naturally.

But, then, things cool off and you are left to think about whether this person is right for you on a deeper level.

Intimacy means baring your soul and showing the different layers of yourself to another person. It is about breaking down the walls you have surrounded yourself with and letting someone in.

And that is where the intimacy happens: when you can be your TRUE self – not your best self.

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Megan Johnson

Megan is a certified yoga instructor based out of Canada. With a degree in Psychology, Megan started Learning Lotuses to bring yoga and mindfulness into education because she believes in the positive growth and development of our children and educators.

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