5 Important Reminders for a Healthy Romantic Relationship

We come into this world alone – and the first point of contact is with our mother and father. As children we sense their love, safety and admiration – this is known as unconditional love. Parents are the first significant relationship a child has from conception.
 
As children, parents are our mentors and we look at their pattern of love as an example of how we treat others, especially while dating . . .
 
My parents were a major part of what I learned about relationships. For example, my mother knew the way to my father’s heart was making him a beautiful Indian meal. For my father, the way to my mother’s heart was giving her his time.
 
My parents expressed love in different ways, and as a child I remember watching them with such curiosity. There were many highs and lows. They stood strong together and overcame challenges together by supporting each other.
 

Our parents are the foundation in which how we may view “love” – what it is, what it means, how it feels, and how to give + receive it.

 
If you reconcile a challenge that you face with your parents, notice how the resolution affects your dating or married life. Inversely, if you have any unresolved issues or deeply rooted hurt, consider how this may manifest in other relationships in your life.
 

Love is understood – and expressed – differently by everyone.

 
There is an excellent book of reference called The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This profound book teaches us that we all have a different way of interpreting and expressing love. There is no right or wrong way.
 

Here are 5 important reminders to live by for a healthy, vibrant romantic relationship full of love, trust, and personal empowerment:

 
1. Cultivate friendship first
Be invested in who your romantic partner is as a human being. Be open enough to laugh, cry, get angry and be who you really are. Take the mask off! Instead of trying to change each other, embrace and accept each other for who you are, unconditionally.
 
It’s incredible what you can learn from your partner. Essentially we are all teachers, here to steer one another in the process of life.
 
 
2. Stop trying to ‘fix’ other people
This was biggest game changer I learned in my 30’s: I had to stop trying to heal the men I was dating. As adults, both participants in the relationship need to deal with their own issues stemming from past hurts or childhood struggles independently.
 
I wanted to take away their pain and rescue them, when what I actually needed to do was let go and surrender. I had to learn this lesson the hard way and own this part of my personality. Remember – the only person you can change is y.o.u.
 

 
3. Communicate, communicate, communicate some more
Talk to each other and get to know one another on a soul level. When we date or are married to someone for a long period of time, we get comfortable. We forget why we came together and need to be reminded of that moment in life when time stood still and fate collided. Get back to those giddy, flirty, engaged talks that first sparked your relationship.
 
Then, keep the conversation going in all aspects of your relationship! Talk through your feelings and emotions as they arise – don’t wait for them to explode or create built-up tension. When we can maintain open lines of communication, we bring our relationship to the next level of intimacy.
 
 
4. Shine as much individually as you shine together
Take trips, travel the world, be adventurous, be supportive, and forgive easily. Seriously, learn to let the little things go! You both need to hear each other out with non-judgement. Sharing unique, exciting, new, and even challenging experiences together will strengthen you as individuals and as partners.
 
Allow yourselves to shine individually, express your dreams, passions, and visions for the future. And listen, really listen, to when they want to converse. When you’re able to shine solo, you’re also able to shine together, and through both expressions, you’ll grow even stronger together.
 
 
5. Don’t let fear get in the way of love
If your partner needs a boy’s or girl’s night out, let each other breathe. Don’t be afraid if your partner needs some space once in awhile. Sometimes it’s true – distance makes the heart grow fonder. Space and time apart is really healthy and allows each of you to gain perspective.
 
If you’re attracted to someone yet too afraid of getting hurt to pursue them, then you’re letting fear rule your decisions and ultimately your life. Embrace your relationship with all the love you can muster, and watch that love get mirrored back to you tenfold.
 

The first relationship you need to reconcile is the one with yourself. Be that ridiculous, authentic, happy-go-loving person you want to meet.

 
Learn from your parents. Use them as your reference on how to grow or change anything about your “love language.” Relationships help you evolve and will bring out so many interesting aspects of your personality.
 

 
Always know it is a blessing to find someone who accepts and appreciates you just for who you are. You are one of a kind and deserve to be in a harmonious union. To end, I offer you a beautifully inspiring passage from Kahlil Gibran’s book The Prophet.
 
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another, make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
 
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
 
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: for the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
 

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